Slow 01/07/2011
 

   I had so much to be thankful for in 2010: I started my website (viewed daily by handfuls of people!), published two books (if only in the smallest way), and got a lot of work done, which is unusual for me.  It was the year of the  grind – applied daily like grease to the wheel, pushing my way through the small calamities of getting anything of personal value done (all of the small roadblocks involved in producing things) as well as managing my personal life (relationships don’t stay healthy untended).  This was the year I applied myself.  For a naturalized homegrown Southern bum (iced tea and window gazing de rigueur) it was a bitch, man.  At the moment I am in recovery mode.

So what does this mean for 2011?  I don’t think I can keep pushing myself in quite the same way – I am not sure it would work.  I think I will swing this year like a kid on the playground: a few pumps then glide.  This next phase feels like it should be more natural.  A dear friend once told me that I did not have “blonde ambition” (all gay men return to Madonna) but last year I may have proved him wrong.  But I certainly don’t think this would do for the long term.  My nature is dreamy so perhaps this year I will allow myself to ruminate a little more.  It might be time to go organic (and I ain’t talking Whole Foods) and just let things develop at a more faithful, slower pace.  We have most of us been blessed by the technology gods and the all of the opportunities they provided.  I think, however, that something has gone neglected in me and maybe in the world as well.  The slow-cured, the illogical, the fanciful, the non-linear: the dream.

One of my favorite phrases is “into the woods” (a nod to Sondheim) for what it connotes – going deep down to our native selves and possibly toward the unknown.  We all have our many ancestors inside of us but how many of us take to time to listen for them?  I would like for this to be the year that I let it all mellow, the year I stop measuring, anticipating and judging.  I want to do my work more slowly and with more listening - even if this means fewer results.  I want to see what it is I have yet to discover about myself, and all on simmer.  It won’t be easy but I want to relax a little this year.  I want to take it slow.

For the rest of you it is blonde ambition.  Get to work!   And Happy New Year.

 


Comments

(Archived Comments)
03/04/2012 10:01am

keely

Fri, 07 Jan 2011 7:44:35 pm

you may be fighting the NYC current. It is one of the power centers on the planet for ambition. You're too young to be slowed down physically by age yet. It must be that warm honey blood of a southerner that is demanding to take back one of its own. Best of luck on your journey. Let us know how the battle between the north and the south goes.

Mark

Fri, 07 Jan 2011 8:36:11 pm

Oh I know you are right Keely...but I also believe that one can nurture an attitude of slow cookin creativity as well. We all need to recharge, and listen. Without that things go flat, no?

lino

Sun, 09 Jan 2011 2:01:18 pm

i rely so much to the bum who sits on the porch of his house to see people walk by.

Diane

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 9:58:01 am

What a nice change from the usual 40-Things-I-Intend-to-Accomplish New Year's resolution letter! It is the south in you (a nod to Ntozake Shange---who has a new book out!)that's working this trend, but it's a good one. Timing is everything---and I guess pacing yourself is part of this. Also, once you've pumped up to speed, you should coast a bit---or what's the pumping for? You don't stop pumping, you just gauge it better. And I'll bet you still get everything done. I think you'll surprise yourself. Here's to 2011!

Megan

Sat, 22 Jan 2011 2:44:14 am

Me too! I'm also going slow. It's mostly due to being 8 mo pregnant and having no choice in the matter, but it's great. I'm getting sooo much more done. Crazy. Multi tasking is a thing of the past for me. I hope anyway. Enjoy your slow journey Mark.

Erik

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 3:33:27 pm

I feel more relaxed just reading this : )

Mark

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 4:32:15 pm

As you should!

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