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Blurring the Lines

1/12/2017

8 Comments

 
Picture
   Before I went to art school, before I understood my queerness, one day he appeared.  I was 19 and working in the mall when “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” hit no. 1 in 1984.  All the Metal heads at Chick-Fil-A were disgusted but I listened to it with curiosity, an absurdly trumped-up take on Doo Wop and Motown.  But it wasn’t until I saw him in the video for the song, saw him with Andrew and Pepsi and Shirley, smiling fluorescently white before they had that toothpaste, two (not one) gold hoop earrings shining, hugging himself right at me, that I knew.  I was transfixed: he was pop, glam, and wildly talented.  And he was absolutely queer.
 
The song that truly ushered him in as indispensible was “Everything She Wants”.  It was indelible the moment I heard it, and not just for the beauty of the synths and vocals (all written, produced, and arranged by Michael).  There was something more.  Inside the song was a very subversive, feminine approach to marriage.  It was, in fact, a sensibility I too was experiencing, a sensibility I already shared.  It was gayness: bitchy, cool, sarcastic, and passionate.  George wasn’t just playing the spurned husband; he was playing the wife, too!  A thrill of recognition ran through me.
 
For the rest of the 80s each new song built on this sensibility: one moment bragging of his sexual prowess (“Faith”, “I Want Your Sex”, “Hard Day”) and the next playing the long-suffering female (“A Different Corner”, “One More Try”, and yes! “Father Figure”).  George Michael could project male or female with complete fluidity, and no irony.  He never really camped (like Boy George) but instead existed as a hybrid.  It should be remembered that Wham! was partner Andrew Ridgely’s idea: to get hits, go completely over-the-top and make a ridiculous impression.  He could never have known how quickly George would absorb and transcend that image nearly instantly, or what a genius for writing personal songs he would develop.  George was pure talent.  He was seductive.
 
Very few pop stars create their own category (Michael Jackson, Prince, Bowie, Madonna) and George was one of the very select.  But no one distilled gayness as he did.  It was never cat and mouse with him – instead, he was its essence.  By the time the business side had overwhelmed him (post “Faith”, pre “Older”) he was trapped, desperately trying to resolve his status as an icon.  Because it came out of him so naturally I am not sure he ever understood his success.  So he hid.  He disappeared from his videos and into drugs, sued Sony for a release from his contract  (“slavery”) and basically retired right in front our lusty eyes.  All the public wanted was more George.  Fun George.  Cheeky George.  The greatest irony and sadness of his later life is that George, the man who taught me so much about gayness, had such a terrible time functioning as a gay man.  As an “out” person he seemed so much like a caged animal, unable to resolve the dichotomy of his gifts and our strange fixation on his sex. 
 
It has been said that fame is a crucible.  But what is there to be forged from the creature that penned the glorious “Careless Whisper” on a city bus at the tender age of 17?  Like the ancient Greeks George Michael was only ever meant to be golden, and like St. Sebastian he was already beautifully pierced.  He had some wonderful things to say as an older man, and an out one, but they did not match the delicious ironies of his early presence.  The very first songs with Wham! hold up for being oddly mature.  I will always be grateful for the day I saw him smiling up at me and mouthing the words to “Wake Me Up”.  I am not sure that I expected he would stay.  But I never imagined he’d go away - it all felt so eternal. 
 
​Hiding in plain sight is one of the oldest forms of drag.  One just operated in their societal role and signified from within.  George telegraphed this idea beautifully, but as a star.  He was the costume and the closet, and could convey many messages at once: ordinary, glam, hard working, self-serious, wounded or horny.  But to do it most perfectly, he needed his youth and he needed his beauty, even though as an old soul he understood neither.  As one of our stealthiest gay men he crept up on us all, took our hearts, and left us way too soon. 
 
But that is love.  That is a love song.
 
George Michael, 1963-2016


8 Comments
lino
1/12/2017 11:47:19 am

great text marky. big hugs

Reply
Mark
1/12/2017 12:13:19 pm

Lovely - that's all I need to hear. xx Lino.

Reply
Dick
1/12/2017 01:30:49 pm

Excellent Mark. Perceptive and well written. I have a better understanding of George after having read this.

Reply
Mark
1/12/2017 01:37:05 pm

High praise! Thank Dickie!

Reply
Kari
1/12/2017 02:16:57 pm

So tenderly written. Like Dick, this has given me a better understanding of him.

Reply
Mark
1/12/2017 02:22:09 pm

Thank you Kari!

Reply
Megan Wadsworth link
1/14/2017 05:36:13 am

Great post Mark. I love the bit about him being a caged animal after he was outed. Your right, he never seemed to recover from that. So sad. Existing as a hybrid was one of his best features. It wasn't as if he was closeted. It was always clear he was gay but he chose a different path for himself than Boy George. It worked for me. It made him more vulnerable in a way BG wasn't which made his work more personal. I loved him. And you have a lot to do with that.

Reply
Megan
1/14/2017 09:15:21 am

So glad you read it, and understood it Megan. But I knew you would. I'm glad I got those thoughts together. He was so many things as an artist.

Reply



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    Mark Lindsey is an artist and writer formerly from the streets of New York City and now residing in the forests of Connect-icut.  He likes it there. 



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